paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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