i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
