literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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