So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
