Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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