I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
