We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
