I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
