Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
