a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
