I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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