i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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