y did u give ur computer a hand job?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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