talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
