I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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