You're so nebulous sometimes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
