When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
