I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
