I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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