It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
