Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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