im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
