when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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