HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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