This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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