He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
