this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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