so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
