So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
