Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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