just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
