yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
