Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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