Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
