Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
