Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
