there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
