Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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