whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
