she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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