I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just google imaged poop.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
