Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
