it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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