oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
