i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
