I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
