Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
