ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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