I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
