hotel room ftw
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
