I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
