chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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