My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
