I can text with my tongue
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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