dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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